Updated: Dec 31, 2018
As we approach the end of the year now is the time where we reflect on the year passed and think about what we’re going to change or do differently in the new year to achieve our goals. We normally base these decisions on what went well in the year and where we succeeded Vs what didn’t go well or where we failed. For some people setting goals and achieving against them is an established behaviour of success however for some people setting goals and failing them is an established behaviour of excuses. I want to review the main reasons why we don’t achieve goals and then give you a simple way around each to ensure you’re better placed to achieve your goals. Goals come with challenges so I also want to suggest an alternate way to look at mistakes & failures because these represent learnings & feedback we can use to get back on track for success.
Success or Excuses, You Can't Have Both
Congruence in thoughts, feelings and behaviours – to achieve success in your goal you must be fully aligned or congruent in your thoughts, feelings and behaviours with clear commitment to action on all three of these areas. If your start a goal with commitment to action based on one or two of these areas only you will struggle to achieve success your goal.
Goal: There are many ways to write up your goal for example the GROW model or SMART objectives. All these are valid and important ways to define success and how you will get there. For it to be truly successful it must have actions against thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
"The training is nothing! The will is EVERYTHING! The will to act." Quote from Henri Ducard
There’s a reason why Thoughts are at the top of the model and probably why your brain is at the top of your body – it’s paramount to everything you do. For many at the top of their field conquering the thoughts in their mind is the biggest battle and arguably the secret to all success. This is where a coach can provide valuable support.
“All those fighters you beat, you beat 'em with heart not muscle” Quote from Adrian Balboa
Your heart, sometimes called your emotional brain, is a powerful resource. Find your ‘WHY’ and connect with your feelings and you can become unstoppable. For many their ‘WHY’ is connected to loved ones and being the best for them. As a hypnotherapist I've helped many unlock their why through inner-sights in trance because it's not always obvious to the conscious mind.
“First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule Daniel son, not mine” Quote from Mr Kesuke Miyagi
The part we spend the most time trying to perfect and guided through from a young age. Choose what works for you and commit to it. If after a period of time you find it doesn’t work then chose something else. Thankfully our behaviours are flexible and this is what allows us to reach our goals for success.
Lets bring this together with some examples
Think about it, you set a goal to lose weight and you’re so clear on what you want to achieve you even visualise how you want to look but you’re not clear on the behaviour actions that you will take to achieve your goal and so dabble in different diets and exercise regimes with no clear result, a loss in motivation and no success.
The same could also be true if there is a tried & tested way to achieve a result and you’re clear on the behaviour action but you don’t have real motivation or a why to move you. A why could also be called attitude. Attitude is when your thoughts & feelings are so strong to one objective you’re ready to do anything to achieve your goal. If you don’t have the right why or attitude you will likely fail the goal because you’re like a car with no fuel, you don’t have enough internal resource to move towards the behaviour action necessary to achieve the goal.
Consistency to achieve your goal - it’s important you can commit time & action to your goal i.e. be little & often versus everything I’ve got:
Little & often: an approach to action that fits or flexes in to your lifestyle and is easy to do on a regular basis so that it sticks and becomes a habit. Positive habits lead us to success so that when you get to the end of the year, you’ve achieved your goal. I really like the 21/90 rule - commit to a goal for 21 days to make it a habit. Once it’s a habit, you continue to do it for another 90 days to make it a lifestyle change.
Everything I’ve got: an approach that is all about big actions that take a lot of effort and time and more difficult to find time for or to flex into your lifestyle. As a result you’re more likely to find you’ve failed your goal because it was too hard to maintain and you lose motivation, progress and faith. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare, the hare lost because he burned himself out and rested for too long whereas the tortoise won because he was consistent and managed his success.
Commitment to change and dealing with mistakes – achieving real-change goals is not always a straight forward linear process, we can face struggles that makes it more like an up & down roller-coaster. For example if you’re progressing towards stopping a bad habit and suddenly you’re faced with a situation of high stress, it can shift you back to your previous pattern of behaviour and the habit you’re trying to stop i.e. you make a mistake. This is perfectly OK, mistakes are to be learned from and you quickly get back to your success actions i.e. RE-ACTION.
Human reactions are always quick and we must treat our approach to mistakes in the same way by being quick to return to our goal actions and not dwelling on mistakes. Do not let the mistake define you because failure is when you stop trying so never give up. I also like the NLP presupposition that there is no failure only feedback. This belief has helped me in many areas of my life even before I came across it in NLP. Some of my greatest successes came from taking the position of ‘what can I learn from this and how do I move forward differently’ and because it works I know I will continue to achieve great things just as I hope you will too.
Do you have the support necessary to reflect and create resolutions?
If not, get in touch with Gurdev Lota @ Mind-1 Positive Change Achieved. I offer coaching services and I can help you define your goal and help you achieve success. I can also run group sessions using creative & fun methods which have proved very popular.